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January 31, 2006

(un)timely

I think Crash is officially 2005's most overrated movie. That it feels like 1995's most overrated movie is part of the problem.

Posted by R. at 11:15 AM | | Comments (0)

January 29, 2006

bad bad monkey

Sometimes I'll be reading something funny and unchallenging and reasonably narrative and I'll think to myself, "Hmm I wonder if anyone's"—or "I'm surprised no one's"—"optioned this yet." And then I'll want to punish myself in some ineffable, deeply internal way.

Posted by R. at 02:31 PM | | Comments (3)

January 26, 2006

youth flames eternal

"Mike Jeffries, the 61-year-old CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch, says 'dude' a lot. He'll say, 'What a cool idea, dude,' or, when the jeans on a store's mannequin are too thin in the calves, 'Let's make this dude look more like a dude,' or, when I ask him why he dyes his hair blond, 'Dude, I'm not an old fart who wears his jeans up at his shoulders.'"

Oh my fucking god dude.

I remember this one time at Whole Foods, a couple of years go, I was standing in the frozen food aisle (trying to find something, anything, with actual used-to-have-a-face-versus-soy meat in it) and I noticed this fiftysomething … erm, dude … basically wearing the same cargos and tee as me and I realized that at some point, as much as it pained me to consider it, I would arrive at an age when I would appear ridiculous trying to pull that look off.

(The notion that something I'd just casually thrown on would eventually become a "look" requiring "pulling off" was in itself dispiriting, but that was just the insulting afterthought to contemplative injury.)

Hopefully genetic resequencing will be better "by then" (I say with glassy unblinking eyes) and "getting old" will only be for "poor people."

(Incidentally, J, doesn't this dude sound disturbingly like Jonathan Antin? Essentially the same fatuous state of denial, albeit further along.)

Posted by R. at 11:41 PM | | Comments (3)

January 24, 2006

hating on yojimbo

I was somewhat stoked about Yojimbo (irritating icon notwithstanding) until I discovered—and correct me if I'm mistaken—it doesn't appear to support video. That excludes a sweeping segment of the memetic randomata I would presumably use such a program to organize. I'm presently too disgruntled to delve further into any alternatives—but hey, Panic, how about seizing this non-opportunity to develop a slick universal media codex that would potentially appeal to a very small but obsessive-compulsive user base?

For yours truly and the one-point-oh time-being, Yojimblows. Grumble.

Posted by R. at 11:57 AM | | Comments (0)

January 19, 2006

what about a 'brokeback mountain' remake instead?

"Asked about rumors that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck may be remaking Butch Cassidy, Redford said he finds that 'depressing.'" Heh.

Posted by R. at 01:03 PM | | Comments (0)

rock me with your termination shock

I realize Pluto is a planetoid of debatable allure in the general public-interest sense, and a mission thereto will probably yield comparatively colorless photo-ops in the strictest anthrobot-on-Mars sense, but the non-frosted Shredded Wheat-eating nerd in me [editorial aside: I don't eat Shredded Wheat; it's wicker, and wicker is for furniture; actually, wicker serves no purpose; it's worthless, like stucco] is thrilled at the prospect of finally pinging that frigid little bastard and its asteroidal mini-moon and its ephemeral atmosphere. Godspeed, little probe.

Posted by R. at 12:46 PM | | Comments (0)

January 18, 2006

inevitable

About time. I've been waiting to get a good gander at Destino for years.

Posted by R. at 10:42 PM | | Comments (0)

January 16, 2006

who cares

The Golden Globes happened? Really?

Posted by R. at 11:58 PM | | Comments (0)

January 15, 2006

inner turmoil

"What many people don't realize is that Goofy's eyesight isn't all that good. Those long ears obstruct his peripheral vision, and the oversized nose further limits his view. What he can mostly see is the ground around his feet. Fortunately, Goofy has two human handlers to guide him into the park. They open a door and gently push him forward. He has to duck to get through. Goofy can't really tell where he is, but he hears the murmur of voices in the distance. He's nervous, and he can feel his heart beating. Only seconds have elapsed when he hears: 'There's Goofy!'" (p.5)

Posted by R. at 12:16 PM | | Comments (0)

January 12, 2006

played out

This is funny in an everybody's-doing-it, Blair Witch-Matrix-Star Wars Kid-freeze pan, Charo-on-The Surreal Life, circling-the-parody bandwagons sort of way.

Meaning it's amusing for about five seconds and then it's just irritating and mediocre.

Posted by R. at 01:11 PM | | Comments (0)

intel inside the reality distortion field

"According to Conrad, it was also Apple's idea to make Intel CEO Paul Otellini hop into a bunny suit."

Posted by R. at 12:11 PM | | Comments (0)

January 11, 2006

glass ceiling

Good news indeed.

Posted by R. at 02:42 PM | | Comments (0)

January 10, 2006

potty humor

Haha. Gross.

Posted by R. at 03:50 PM | | Comments (1)

intelivision

So this is the ad.

I like the concept but it lacks a certain attention to detail. It doesn't go far or deep enough—although perhaps that was an executive decision. It could have been dreamier, more Kubrickian—or even Lucasian, circa THX. You've got sterility. You've got hints of longing. Go there.

I'm too hard on Apple sometimes.

Posted by R. at 02:08 PM | | Comments (1)

regurge

Barf.

Posted by R. at 12:30 AM | | Comments (0)

January 09, 2006

druggies write bad memoirs

You mean there's more wrong with A Million Little Pieces besides the fact that it's a bad, terribly written book? (Incidentally, I have a stomach-churning apprehension that someone like Ben Affleck will end up trying to Girl Interrupt it for the big screen.)

Posted by R. at 12:13 PM | | Comments (2)

January 06, 2006

skin reduction surgery-deep

"Poor Star Jones. She finally nets herself a man, someone who can see past her unconventional looks to her inner non-beauty...." Heh.

Posted by R. at 11:09 AM | | Comments (0)

January 03, 2006

sweep

"And then she hears the sound of a helicopter, from somewhere behind her and, turning, sees the long white beam of light sweeping the dead ground as it comes, like a lighthouse gone mad from loneliness, and searching that barren ground as foolishly, as randomly, as any grieving heart ever has." (p.324)

An overdue dent in my reading backlog.

Posted by R. at 08:29 PM | | Comments (0)

high density

Ooh.

Posted by R. at 11:18 AM | | Comments (0)

January 02, 2006

looking the part

"The human cuteness detector is set at such a low bar, researchers said, that it sweeps in and deems cute practically anything remotely resembling a human baby or a part thereof, and so ends up including the young of virtually every mammalian species, fuzzy-headed birds like Japanese cranes, woolly bear caterpillars, a bobbing balloon, a big round rock stacked on a smaller rock, a colon, a hyphen and a close parenthesis typed in succession."

Posted by R. at 05:28 PM | | Comments (0)

relatively speaking

Apparently it's raining everywhere.

Posted by R. at 05:28 AM | | Comments (0)

January 01, 2006

whence sprung a bad pun

The BBC has compiled a(n understandably Anglocentric but adequately interesting) rundown of 100 things we (debatably) didn't know this time last year.

Possible favorite: "19. The = sign was invented by 16th Century Welsh mathematician Robert Recorde, who was fed up with writing 'is equal to' in his equations. He chose the two lines because 'noe 2 thynges can be moare equalle.'"

Was that dude ill33terate or what?

Posted by R. at 01:51 AM | | Comments (0)